The waiting game. Worst part by far!!! I got a text from Brittany today saying that she met with Kelsey and everything is still fine! Michelle (another social worker) is going to call us tomorrow to try and set up another meeting with her. She is wanting to come to Lakeland... she has never been here before. If she is up for it we would love for her to meet our family. Maybe cook out at the park or something. But that could be a lot for her so if we don't I need to think of somewhere or something we could go or do. Anybody from Lakeland have any suggestions?
Phillip and I have started getting our house ready for a baby. We have FINALLY finished closing in the porch. Those of you who know us really good know why the finally is all caps!!! It looks so good! I'll post some pictures of that and Lane's room when they are all done.
Mikey is getting really excited as well. We pray on our way to school everyday and today was so funny. He started praying and said, "... help mommy and daddy and Kelsey to have a great day at work... long pause... if Kelsey works and help baby Lane to be healthy and to come in a really cute outfit. I love you, amen." That made my day today. I love listening to him pray. It's amazing how real he can be talking to God and how honest he is. He asked God to come into his heart August 20, 2008 and he really seems to live for God even at his young age. I guess that is why they say "faith like a child." I get it. I wish and pray that my faith could be as stong as his. Lately I have been struggling with my doubts. I get so nervous about whether Kelsey is going to change her mind or she decided she didn't like us. The thing I hate most about my doubts is that I know they are coming from lies satan is telling me. I hate that sometimes I listen to him so easily. So right now as you pray for our adoption please also pray for me dealing with my doubtfulness. I need all the pray I can get!! :)
Throughout this whole process I have really tried to have my quiet time on a daily basis. This is something that for a long time a had such a hard time with because I put other things before it on my list. I have finally set time aside and now enjoy doing it. So... on a side note I really encourage you to start doing it. I feel God has shown me so many things just be reading His word. Here are a few verses that I read the other day.
Psalms 34:4
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Psalms 34:8
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed are those who take refuge in him.
Ephesians 3:17-19
... And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that this love surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Meeting Kelsey
Today was the big day and it went better than we could have ever imagined. Last night we had talked to Brittany our social worker and talked about where we were meeting. At around 10:40 she texted me saying Kelsey had just texted her asking if there was any way we could bring Mikey. So Mikey got to miss his first day of Kindergarten and thankfully was in a great mood and was so good! He got a little antsy but did great considering how long we sat there.
We met at a little diner and right from the start it was very easy to talk to them. Kelsey, her mom and stepdad, and her real dad were all there. It was so nice to see that they all got along and all supported her in everything she was doing. Kelsey told us that she wasnt' talking much because she was so nervous and I told her I was talking too much because I was nervous!! Her mom did most of the talking.
They loved our profile book and Kelsey said she loved that we had a big family. She is an only child. She loved the fact that we had a dog. She loved that we talked a lot about our faith!! That was nice to hear that they were so concerned about that!!! They asked a lot about the cakes I make. Phillip told them he was an adjuster for an insurance company and her mom talked to him about her bumper (she had just backed into something a couple days before!) and asked Mikey what he was into and what he was excited about with the baby. The conversation the whole time was very easy and mostly just about what we like to do, our church and our family.
When it was getting time to go meaning when Mikey couldn't sit any longer, they asked us if we wanted to come over to the place they were staying (her mom doesn't live in Ocala so they brought their RV). We ended up stopping at Walmart to buy Mikey a bathing suit and then went with them and talked around the pool while Mikey swam! I am sooo thankful he could let out some of that energy that stored up so much from the restaurant!! There we talked about what Kelsey's thoughts about the hospital were. She said she honestly did not know yet and was still thinking about it. I loved that she told us her honest answer. We told her we were ok with anything and wouldnt' get offended if she did not want us there. Later her mom was talking to us while Kelsey had walked to the RV for a minute about how hard of a time Kelsey was having with all of this. She said that she has always wanted children but know that this isn't the best time and she can't give this baby a father. She understands this is what is best but her mom is worried for her and how she will deal with this. I told her I was nervous about how its going to be the happiest day of our lives when it will be the hardest day of her life. Her mom agreed with me but then followed it by saying our joy is the only good thing coming out of this and they are thrilled for us and don't want us to feel bad or upset. We loved how she told us that and was open about how they really felt because now we don't have to wonder. Could she still change her mind? Yes. But Phillip and I are both very condfiden that she won't. And if she does then we will have to lean on God to understand but we know 100% that we will get through this with Him and He will comfort us!
We talked about the name... Lane Matthew... and they said they loved it! We discussed how she could actually name him and then later on his birth certificate would get changed to the name we have for him. She said she really wanted to leave his name up to us and didn't think he should have 2 different names. I was excited to hear that!!
Before we left, Phillip had asked if we all could pray together. We got in a huddle and put our arms around each other (with Mikey in the mush pot :) ) and Phillip prayed.. I have to brag a second and say that his prayer was amazing! He prayed for Kelsey and their family, he prayed for us, for our relationship to grow close with each other, for baby Lane that he would grow up into a stong godly man. When he finished, Kelsey's mom had tears in her eyes and said that she was so glad he did that and that they really needed it. She said that it just showed that he was a great leader for our family and pointed out again that we were the right family for their baby! Insert chill bumps here!!!
As we were leaving we told them we set up an email account so we could keep in touch and Kelsey's mom asked what all we had for the baby so far. She said that they would really like to get us something for the baby (as if the actual baby isn't enough!!!) and said she wanted it to be one of the bigger items. Maybe the carseat or something! All of them are so sweet and I am so thankful this is the family God has put into our lives.
One more main thing that was talked about that I somehow forgot to mention earlier was that we are going to do an open adoption. This means that she will be able to see him a couple times a year. We can set it up however we feel comfortable and if it gets to be too much (which I really don't think it will) we can step back some. We were both nervous about this when we first start this process, but after learning more about what it means and especially after meeting them we are comfortable with it!
We are hopefully going to meet up again with Kelsey before she has the baby. They might come to Lakeland and maybe meet our families. We'll see. That is a lot of peoplle to meet! Oh and... she went to the doctor earlier today and everything was looking great. Doctor said she probably won't be early but the baby is healthy and measuring between 7 to 8 pounds!!! Can't wait to meet our preciousbaby boy, Lane!!!!
We met at a little diner and right from the start it was very easy to talk to them. Kelsey, her mom and stepdad, and her real dad were all there. It was so nice to see that they all got along and all supported her in everything she was doing. Kelsey told us that she wasnt' talking much because she was so nervous and I told her I was talking too much because I was nervous!! Her mom did most of the talking.
They loved our profile book and Kelsey said she loved that we had a big family. She is an only child. She loved the fact that we had a dog. She loved that we talked a lot about our faith!! That was nice to hear that they were so concerned about that!!! They asked a lot about the cakes I make. Phillip told them he was an adjuster for an insurance company and her mom talked to him about her bumper (she had just backed into something a couple days before!) and asked Mikey what he was into and what he was excited about with the baby. The conversation the whole time was very easy and mostly just about what we like to do, our church and our family.
We talked about the name... Lane Matthew... and they said they loved it! We discussed how she could actually name him and then later on his birth certificate would get changed to the name we have for him. She said she really wanted to leave his name up to us and didn't think he should have 2 different names. I was excited to hear that!!
Before we left, Phillip had asked if we all could pray together. We got in a huddle and put our arms around each other (with Mikey in the mush pot :) ) and Phillip prayed.. I have to brag a second and say that his prayer was amazing! He prayed for Kelsey and their family, he prayed for us, for our relationship to grow close with each other, for baby Lane that he would grow up into a stong godly man. When he finished, Kelsey's mom had tears in her eyes and said that she was so glad he did that and that they really needed it. She said that it just showed that he was a great leader for our family and pointed out again that we were the right family for their baby! Insert chill bumps here!!!
As we were leaving we told them we set up an email account so we could keep in touch and Kelsey's mom asked what all we had for the baby so far. She said that they would really like to get us something for the baby (as if the actual baby isn't enough!!!) and said she wanted it to be one of the bigger items. Maybe the carseat or something! All of them are so sweet and I am so thankful this is the family God has put into our lives.
One more main thing that was talked about that I somehow forgot to mention earlier was that we are going to do an open adoption. This means that she will be able to see him a couple times a year. We can set it up however we feel comfortable and if it gets to be too much (which I really don't think it will) we can step back some. We were both nervous about this when we first start this process, but after learning more about what it means and especially after meeting them we are comfortable with it!
We are hopefully going to meet up again with Kelsey before she has the baby. They might come to Lakeland and maybe meet our families. We'll see. That is a lot of peoplle to meet! Oh and... she went to the doctor earlier today and everything was looking great. Doctor said she probably won't be early but the baby is healthy and measuring between 7 to 8 pounds!!! Can't wait to meet our preciousbaby boy, Lane!!!!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Waiting...
So Friday is the big day where we meet the birthmom and her parents!! I am so excited but am so nervous at the same time! This meeting will determine whether its a final match or not. We should get to know each other better, what we and she is kinda expecting at far as being open/semi-open, and what she wants as far as the hospital stay goes. I'm praying that she will at least let us at the hospital when she has him. But they have told us some moms don't want the adoptive parents to come until they leave. So we will see.
Brittany our social worker called us to let us know where we would be meeting her. She said we would probably meet at Panera's because that is where she and her mom like to go. Well I thought that was really neat because that is where my mom, sisters, and I usually go. Plus, that is where I have talked the most about the whole adoption plan to them and even started filling out the whole application!!! It's the little things in life!! haha
I need prayer still just to have complete trust in the Lord. Something I read in my quiet time
Psalms 31: 19 and 24
How great is your goodness which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of all of those who take refuge in you.
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.
I love when I do my quiet time and feel like God wrote verses just for me!!
As I type this, Phillip is finishing up our new room. We enclosed our back porch to make into our guest room/office/sewing room. I am so excited and will try to figure out how to put some pictures up here!!
Brittany our social worker called us to let us know where we would be meeting her. She said we would probably meet at Panera's because that is where she and her mom like to go. Well I thought that was really neat because that is where my mom, sisters, and I usually go. Plus, that is where I have talked the most about the whole adoption plan to them and even started filling out the whole application!!! It's the little things in life!! haha
I need prayer still just to have complete trust in the Lord. Something I read in my quiet time
Psalms 31: 19 and 24
How great is your goodness which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of all of those who take refuge in you.
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.
I love when I do my quiet time and feel like God wrote verses just for me!!
As I type this, Phillip is finishing up our new room. We enclosed our back porch to make into our guest room/office/sewing room. I am so excited and will try to figure out how to put some pictures up here!!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Praying for Peace and Everything Else
This is just a little side note!! Phillip and I and even Mikey pray about the whole adoption process everyday all day. We were in Hancocks last night when we started talking about being in the process of adoption and how the birthmom is due next month. Why is it that peoples first thought is, "Oh, what are you going to do it is she changes her mind?" or "That's exciting but what if it doesn't go through?"
Ok... so the answer the those questions are: We will probably cry and be a little upset but in time we will have a peace about it because obviously that was NOT the baby God has for us. It happened before and I pray it doesn't happen again but if it does God is not going to leave us hanging. I at least know that much!
It makes me start thinking though about how many times I've been the negative response to someone else's experiences. What is it that makes me think I know what is best for their life? Who put me in charge and God on the back burner? I did. This whole experience that we have been going through is changing my life. In every way. One, we'll have a baby soon. Two, I have seen so many times God answer our prayers... that way we wanted him too and the way He just said no. Three, my family, me, Phillip, and Mikey have become closer because we pray together all the time. Last (but I know there are a ton more), it's making me realize how much I try to be God in little situations and only let God be God in the bigger ones.
A few weeks ago our Pastor, Monty, had challenged us to read the book of Acts to better prepare ourselves for the next few services. As I was reading I found a verse that spoke to me as soon as I read it. I had been reading about the apostles traveling and speaking the the Good News. Then in Chapter 5 talks about how they were being persecuted for what they were teaching. They were flogged and ordered not to speak in the name of Jesus and the next verse was
Acts 4:41: The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.
This verse just reminded me that how much heartache and pain would I take and still rejoice about because in was for the Lord? It has challenged me to think about the adoption in a different way. As I still pray it happens for us and we get a baby, I also pray that if it doesn't I will still rejoice and praise God. I know it will be hard to do but if my suffering can impact someone elses life and change it then it's worth it. And I can praise God for using me!! Harder to do than say but maybe now that I have told everyone this you can remind me if needed be!
So back the the story about being at Hancocks. After the lady asked me about the birthmom changing her mind my response was, "Well it's already happened once and we'll just know it's not the baby for us. God knows." Before I could finish saying that sentence another lady finished it for me and kept saying, "That's right, God knows. God know, that's right." Turns out she had adopted 21 years ago and said that God knew for her. How awesome is that??!!!!
Sorry if this post is back and forth but now you know how my mind thinks!!
Psalms 28:7- The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him
Ok... so the answer the those questions are: We will probably cry and be a little upset but in time we will have a peace about it because obviously that was NOT the baby God has for us. It happened before and I pray it doesn't happen again but if it does God is not going to leave us hanging. I at least know that much!
It makes me start thinking though about how many times I've been the negative response to someone else's experiences. What is it that makes me think I know what is best for their life? Who put me in charge and God on the back burner? I did. This whole experience that we have been going through is changing my life. In every way. One, we'll have a baby soon. Two, I have seen so many times God answer our prayers... that way we wanted him too and the way He just said no. Three, my family, me, Phillip, and Mikey have become closer because we pray together all the time. Last (but I know there are a ton more), it's making me realize how much I try to be God in little situations and only let God be God in the bigger ones.
A few weeks ago our Pastor, Monty, had challenged us to read the book of Acts to better prepare ourselves for the next few services. As I was reading I found a verse that spoke to me as soon as I read it. I had been reading about the apostles traveling and speaking the the Good News. Then in Chapter 5 talks about how they were being persecuted for what they were teaching. They were flogged and ordered not to speak in the name of Jesus and the next verse was
Acts 4:41: The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.
This verse just reminded me that how much heartache and pain would I take and still rejoice about because in was for the Lord? It has challenged me to think about the adoption in a different way. As I still pray it happens for us and we get a baby, I also pray that if it doesn't I will still rejoice and praise God. I know it will be hard to do but if my suffering can impact someone elses life and change it then it's worth it. And I can praise God for using me!! Harder to do than say but maybe now that I have told everyone this you can remind me if needed be!
So back the the story about being at Hancocks. After the lady asked me about the birthmom changing her mind my response was, "Well it's already happened once and we'll just know it's not the baby for us. God knows." Before I could finish saying that sentence another lady finished it for me and kept saying, "That's right, God knows. God know, that's right." Turns out she had adopted 21 years ago and said that God knew for her. How awesome is that??!!!!
Sorry if this post is back and forth but now you know how my mind thinks!!
Psalms 28:7- The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Beginning of the Journey
So here is my first post... sorry it is pretty long!!!
Well... hopefully we are going to be getting a little baby boy next month. We started the whole adoption process January of 2010. We met with some counselors from Bethany Christian Services for a question and answer meeting. After talking to them we really felt this was the agency we wanted to go with on our new journey.
Before we get to the whole adoption process... I just wanted to tell everybody why we decided to go this route. After having Mikey October 30, 2004 I found out I had developed gallstones during my pregnancy. Three weeks after I had him I went to the ER with extreme abdominal pain. The doctors ended up doing surgery to remove my gallbladder and gallstones. They ended up having to do an ERCP and with that irritated my pancreas. After almost a whole year of being in the hospital, living at my parents house with my personal nurse (my mom) and a ton of prayer and what I feel is a miracle, I got better. That started our new life.
So here we are, Phillip, me, and Mikey a happy family but kinda small. Growing up being the youngest of 5, I have always wanted a big family. We discussed having another baby and asked several doctors opinions. The answers I got were, "I think you'll be fine getting pregnant, I'm just not sure you can handle the pregnancy.", "I think you can handle the pregnancy but you might have a hard time getting pregnant.", "I don't want to tell you yes and I dont' want to tell you no." We were not really sure where to go with that. I ended up having a pancreatic attack and was finally told that I shouldn't have anymore.
It took a long time to understand why I couldn't have anymore biological children. I wrestled with God asking him why this happened and just prayed that some miraculous way I would get pregnant (pretty wishful praying!!). We looked into surrogacy but quickly found out how much it was and decided to think more about adoption. We both really had to come to terms about adopting. What is funny is that we actually talked about this when we had dated and both had been very open to it. I had just always thought I would have my own and then later down the road maybe adopt. God obviously had different plans. So after some research and recommendations we contacted Bethany Christian Services.
Like I said before we met with them and instantly knew we wanted to work with them. We ended up going to the classes and making a profile book. That was one of the reasons we really liked Bethany. You make a profile book for the birthmoms to look at and they choose you.
We turned in our book and got a call three weeks later saying that we had been picked and the mom was due in July. We were so thrilled and COULD NOT believe we had already been chosen. We met with the mom and then we had to wait. When we met this mom we both said it was not like what we expected Neither of us said anything negative,,, just nothing really. We didn't know what to say. We found in June that she changed her mind because it was a girl and decided to parent. We were heartbroken for about 5 minutes. The whole time we had been praying for a peace about everything and the peace poured over us... drenched up in fact. We started talking about how neither of us were very comfortable with her and felt like she wanted to be more in our lives that what we agreed to. So even with a huge disappointment we felt that God was in control and that was just not the baby for us.
We were told that they wanted to show our profile book to two different birthmoms the end of July. One of the girls wanted to look at families in Florida and Georgia. So we waited. One girl decided to parent and they hadn't heard from the other girl. It had been right around 2 months and still nothing so we just figured she wasn't going to choose anyone. Well... Thursday, September 9 we got a phone call saying that Kelsey had picked us!!! We were so shocked!!! She had all the profiles for 2 months and she picked us!! As of right now we know that she is 17. She just graduated high school and wants to go to college. Her parents are very supportive. They told her is she wanted to keep the baby they would help her out and she is the one who said she didn't think is was possible. As soon as she found out she has been to every doctors appointment and has had all the prenatal care. No drugs. No alcohol. Completely healthy!! She is not with the father but he knows she is doing adoption. To top it all off... she has already started going to counseling! That is a great sign and shows that she is trying to prepare herself as much as possible. Of course with every adoption... she can change her mind up until she signs the papers which is 1 to 2 days after birth.
We meet Kelsey on Friday, September 24. She is due October 24. Please keep us in your prayers and I will keep you updated!!
Well... hopefully we are going to be getting a little baby boy next month. We started the whole adoption process January of 2010. We met with some counselors from Bethany Christian Services for a question and answer meeting. After talking to them we really felt this was the agency we wanted to go with on our new journey.
Before we get to the whole adoption process... I just wanted to tell everybody why we decided to go this route. After having Mikey October 30, 2004 I found out I had developed gallstones during my pregnancy. Three weeks after I had him I went to the ER with extreme abdominal pain. The doctors ended up doing surgery to remove my gallbladder and gallstones. They ended up having to do an ERCP and with that irritated my pancreas. After almost a whole year of being in the hospital, living at my parents house with my personal nurse (my mom) and a ton of prayer and what I feel is a miracle, I got better. That started our new life.
So here we are, Phillip, me, and Mikey a happy family but kinda small. Growing up being the youngest of 5, I have always wanted a big family. We discussed having another baby and asked several doctors opinions. The answers I got were, "I think you'll be fine getting pregnant, I'm just not sure you can handle the pregnancy.", "I think you can handle the pregnancy but you might have a hard time getting pregnant.", "I don't want to tell you yes and I dont' want to tell you no." We were not really sure where to go with that. I ended up having a pancreatic attack and was finally told that I shouldn't have anymore.
It took a long time to understand why I couldn't have anymore biological children. I wrestled with God asking him why this happened and just prayed that some miraculous way I would get pregnant (pretty wishful praying!!). We looked into surrogacy but quickly found out how much it was and decided to think more about adoption. We both really had to come to terms about adopting. What is funny is that we actually talked about this when we had dated and both had been very open to it. I had just always thought I would have my own and then later down the road maybe adopt. God obviously had different plans. So after some research and recommendations we contacted Bethany Christian Services.
Like I said before we met with them and instantly knew we wanted to work with them. We ended up going to the classes and making a profile book. That was one of the reasons we really liked Bethany. You make a profile book for the birthmoms to look at and they choose you.
We turned in our book and got a call three weeks later saying that we had been picked and the mom was due in July. We were so thrilled and COULD NOT believe we had already been chosen. We met with the mom and then we had to wait. When we met this mom we both said it was not like what we expected Neither of us said anything negative,,, just nothing really. We didn't know what to say. We found in June that she changed her mind because it was a girl and decided to parent. We were heartbroken for about 5 minutes. The whole time we had been praying for a peace about everything and the peace poured over us... drenched up in fact. We started talking about how neither of us were very comfortable with her and felt like she wanted to be more in our lives that what we agreed to. So even with a huge disappointment we felt that God was in control and that was just not the baby for us.
We were told that they wanted to show our profile book to two different birthmoms the end of July. One of the girls wanted to look at families in Florida and Georgia. So we waited. One girl decided to parent and they hadn't heard from the other girl. It had been right around 2 months and still nothing so we just figured she wasn't going to choose anyone. Well... Thursday, September 9 we got a phone call saying that Kelsey had picked us!!! We were so shocked!!! She had all the profiles for 2 months and she picked us!! As of right now we know that she is 17. She just graduated high school and wants to go to college. Her parents are very supportive. They told her is she wanted to keep the baby they would help her out and she is the one who said she didn't think is was possible. As soon as she found out she has been to every doctors appointment and has had all the prenatal care. No drugs. No alcohol. Completely healthy!! She is not with the father but he knows she is doing adoption. To top it all off... she has already started going to counseling! That is a great sign and shows that she is trying to prepare herself as much as possible. Of course with every adoption... she can change her mind up until she signs the papers which is 1 to 2 days after birth.
We meet Kelsey on Friday, September 24. She is due October 24. Please keep us in your prayers and I will keep you updated!!
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